Couples Therapy and Coaching

Healthy versus unhealthy conflict…

We all know the fairytale stories of two people coming together in love and staying romantically indulged until their final days. Some of us have this fairytale in our real lives… but some of us do not.

Some of us have been taught how to manage conflict in healthy and respectful ways… but some of us have not.

When unhealthy conflict festers in an intimate relationship, the strain can ruin the relationship. It becomes very difficult to talk about our feelings, express our desires, or feel intimate.

Not only does the relationship suffer… so do the people in the relationship.

The consequences of distance…

When conflicts in the relationship are not resolved, individuals can become resentful and seek distance from their partner or the relationship.

When they desire distance, working together to strengthen the relationship is usually the last thing the couple can do on their own.

Maybe one wants to work harder than the other to “save” the relationship. However, not all relationships should be “saved.”

The best scenario for Couples Therapy and Coaching…

Therapeutic work is much easier when both parties genuinely feel that something needs to be addressed… and that professional assistance can help.

When we work together, we’ll approach your relationship from many angles. We’ll:

… identify personality characteristics that may indicate how conflicts arise and persist: When one partner is a “doer” and seeks to solve problems while the other focuses on emotions and feelings, it is very difficult to relieve tension and actually will make disagreements worse.

… explore the communication patterns that may be sabotaging progress toward intimacy: When we expect our partner to be sensitive and nuanced in her speech, our feelings can be hurt quickly and frequently, which does a real doozy on our desire to be close.

… understand how each partner interprets and responds to the other’s words and statements: What we say and what is heard is impacted by various factors such as volume, tone, prosody, word choice. Our partner may be hearing something very different from what we are trying to convey. Similar to when our text messages and emails are misread, our spoken communication too can be misunderstood.

… identify where (if any) resentments first developed: When old problems and points of friction are not resolved, they can linger and cross over into the next argument or disagreement. The argument over “dirty dishes” turns into a shouting match about your mother moving in two years ago.

… seek the emotional significance of the initial conflict event: How we were hurt by our partner in the past often does not go unforgotten. When the emotional pain is not brought out into the open and helped to heal, moving forward cannot occur.

… put the couple into action-oriented practices to experience real and significant change: How about an active listening exercise? How about date nights? How about realizing what we can legitimately expect from our partner and what we cannot? Just talking about our problems keeps us from moving forward into a new pattern that is healthier and mutually satisfying.

… monitor how emotional intimacy has improved, personal fulfillment has increased, and relationship potential has been realized: As your relationship therapist and coach, I want to be sure that what we do in session and your actions actually result in positive change. We will discuss how to measure and track what has worked and what has not.

Are you willing to go another day unhappy, dreading going home to your partner?

You don’t have to be unfulfilled in your relationship or remain frustrated. Change can be scary, but it will be worse if change doesn’t happen.

Call me today for a free consultation to discuss how I will help you and your partner: (657) 345-4681