Relationship Therapy and Coaching

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” —Stephen Chbosky

Do you know what real intimacy looks like?

Do you know what it feels like to be emotionally intimate with another person? Not just sexually intimate… but able to talk about and relate to the way another person feels?

Does it make you uncomfortable when others try to get too close?

Intimacy doesn’t come easy for everyone.

And if you find it difficult to connect to a person on an emotional level, that doesn’t mean that you are damaged or weird.

But, let’s face it: The quality of our relationships is ultimately determined by how we experience love and intimacy.

Our parents taught us how to love.

They may not have provided us with specific instructions, but we learned through watching and experiencing them.

How they treated each other and how they loved us as children taught us how to love and be loved.

You might not have thought much about “how to love” until relationships with other people became more important. It is too often the case that we have not been taught how to be in-tuned with our own or our partner’s emotions. When we are not in-tuned we end up without our emotional needs being expressed or met.

The cost of saving ourselves from getting hurt…

As you formed relationships, maybe you found that getting “close” to another person felt weird, uncomfortable, or confusing.

Maybe you second-guessed yourself… maybe breaking up with the person before things got any more intense?

Getting into a relationship can be “scary” … a feeling to be avoided at all costs. For some of us, then, avoiding relationships becomes a way of avoiding the fear and insecurity they can bring.

But ultimately, this makes for a lonely existence. The only relationships in your life will be short-lived, meaningless flings or phone-only transactions.

Coaching and Therapy can help you start to feel close to other people.

First, we’ll give you an understanding of your attachment style – the way that you currently experience love. We all fall into one of four general categories: secure, avoidant, anxious, or disorganized.

Secure: (about 60% of the population) can feel emotionally close to other people without fear or worry of being hurt. We can love openly, feel free, and not fear vulnerability.

Avoidant: (about 15% of the population). Avoidantly attached persons actively “avoid” becoming close to other people and are under constant duress that if they do become close they will be emotionally hurt. Avoidant persons are typically emotionally distant and avoid emotional closeness.

Anxious/Ambivalent: (about 10-15% of the population). Anxiously attached persons open themselves to emotional closeness but usually believe that their partner is going to leave or hurt them emotionally. The Anxiously attached person cannot feel secure that emotional closeness is going to be rewarding or safe. The Anxiously attached person can appear clingy and push their partners away by their desire to be physically close all of the time.

Disorganized: (about 10-15% of the population). The person with Disorganized attachment doesn’t have a strategy to having emotional needs met. Therefore, the Disorganized attached person will get close to another then fear being hurt. Emotions are rocky, and mood is often changing. Relationships tend to be unstable, like a roller-coaster with many highs and lows. Involvement in abusive relationships is also common.

When that important aspect of YOU is identified and brought out into the open, you will have a better understanding of what makes relationships difficult for you.

The next thing is to create a plan of action…

…with small and manageable steps to actively counter your fears and create a new way for you to get out of your unhealthy attachment comfort zone.

We will identify your attachment style to better understand why your relationships haven’t worked. Then, we will map out the patterns that have developed and the healthiest ways to disrupt what hasn’t worked.

We will address your insecurities so that you can develop better ways to feel secure and satisfied in yourself and relationships.

When your old patterns are shifted, you will feel better about yourself and your emotional needs… and you will be better able to connect to others in a close and meaningful way.

Unravel why your relationships haven’t worked.

Making yourself emotionally available for healthy and satisfying relationships with others, starting today.

Call now for a free consultation: (657) 345-4681